We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
