he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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