I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
3pm strippers are depressing
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize