the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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