OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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