Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
