you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
