i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
