how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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