so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
