I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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