ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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