So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize