But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
