i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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