I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize