True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
