I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
