so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize