dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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