Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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