I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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