I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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