Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
