Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
