My balls are so social today.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
