Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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