The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
