she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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