Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
