I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
