After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
