Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
