I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
sex in a hospital.. check
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
