I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
