I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
