I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I can't put those talents on a resume
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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