Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize