It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We left the knife in your bed.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
