i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
