Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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