One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
