Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
