Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
