Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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