where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
