At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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