So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just saw a hot homeless man
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
