I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
