...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
