we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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