he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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