I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
