what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
