my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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