I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
