I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
How external is "for external use only"?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
