my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
