a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
