Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Vodka?
Forever.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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