He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
