remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
