My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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