The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
