I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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