haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I fill condoms, not promises.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
