So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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