beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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