There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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