69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
