In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
