i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
