legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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