grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
