If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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