genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
