I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
