Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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