Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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