did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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