I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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