If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize