I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
