It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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